The Joe Rogan Experience Episode 895 with Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer

Episode Number: 895
Episode Guest: Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer
Original Airdate: January 3, 2017
Episode Sponsors: Blue Apron, History’s SIXOnnit, Caveman Coffee

Guest Bio: Tom Segura is a stand-up comedian and hosts his own podcast with his wife Christina Pazsitzky called Your Mom’s House. Bert Kreischer is a stand-up comedian, actor, and reality television host. Check out his book Life of the Party on Amazon and his podcast The Bertcast on Stitcher and iTunes.

Topics Discussed: Tom is just under 6′ tall; Bert is 6′ tall; Bert weighs in at 220 lbs.; Tom weighs in at 216 lbs.; Tom sat in a sauna to cut water weight; Tom drank only distilled water because it’s easier to sweat out; (guys eat pizza); Tom talks about how he feels; stranded people who drink sea water; talk about their heights and weights and what is considered obese; muscle burns fat; Bert talks about doing TV; bad places to do comedy; (the guys start drinking); writing people/places off; Bert is a pushover; mean people; social media trolls; Skip Bayless accidentally commenting about himself on Facebook; Ronda Rousey memes; how Conor bounced back from losing; Eddie Bravo’s Jiu Jitsu knowledge; Joe says Demetrious Johnson is the best fighter ever; mainstream media’s coverage of UFC; Lena Dunham wishes she had an abortion; saying offensive things to remain in the media; actors being replaced on TV shows; actor replaced on Bewitched; Tom is competitive; fighters who don’t make weight; UFC weigh-in talk; boxing and weigh-ins; (the guys start smoking weed); (1:00:00) flying in fighter jets; G force training video; humans are frail; Bert talks about skiing down a tall mountain and crashing; feeling vulnerable; Uber drivers; Yakov Smirnoff; the guys talk shit about Ari Shaffir again; Joe says he’s going to pay for Tom and Bert’s vacation; how to climb out of deep snow; Bert’s had three friends die snowboarding; Joe was 45 when he learned to ski; finding Jesus; why can you get a massage but not jerked off; female hysteria; male prostitutes; redhead discrimination; Gigolos TV show; successful people; mocking people who fail; Kevin Hart talk; rage; apologizing; Bert talks about an Uber driver; talk about how much they’ve changed physically since losing weight; inspiring people to lose weight; (Joe plays audio of Ari talking about the weight loss challenge); talk about Ari and his career; malaria talk; Bert’s The Ballad of Big Tommy Buns song; esoteric definition; Bert talks about his career and wanting to be free; how Ari lives his life; putting your phone down; Bert’s beard; Bert’s fanny pack; (2:00:00) eating junk food and drinking alcohol again; Dave Chappelle; being yourself; Tom’s sitcom; Bert gushes about Tom; not giving a fuck; talk about Russell Peters’ stupid girlfriend; Bert talks about going in a submarine; underwater cities; visualizing jokes; debate about shaving Bert’s beard; Bert bet a 10-year-old and cut his hair off; Puerto Rican leopard spot beardPrince’s beard; Hot Ones show; hot food; Joe talks about deer and their antlers; talk about going hunting; Joey Diaz talk; appreciating water; Joe says there should be a competition TV show with Bert and Tom; talk about doing TV shows compared to stand-up; naming tours; Eddie Griffin; more Dave Chappelle talk; Daniel Tosh talk; story about Tosh kicking a guy out of a comedy show; more Tosh talk; (Tom starts to shave Bert’s beard); (lots of giggling as Tom shaves Bert’s beard like Prince’s); Kingpin movie; (3:00:00) (Tom shaves Bert’s beard into a mustache); talking about what competition to do next; fat shaming; feeling uncomfortable is motivation; how Bert feels now; Zevia soda pop; Tom drank a lot of water and C2O coconut water; Harmless Harvest coconut water; Joe talks about shaving his head; shaving; do they feel better now that it’s over; Joe suggests they train Jiu Jitsu for a few months, then compete; Get Shorty movie; Joe talks about doing a movie companion podcast; Bert never saw the movie (Van Wilder) that was based on his life; Bill Burr talk; talk about The Comedy Store and comedians; comedy now vs. then; Tom used to imitate Bill Burr; Tom talks about bombing; Mormons; Tom talks about overdosing on drugs and alcohol and waking up in the hospital; Bert loves to drink; more talk about training BJJ for a competition; more talk about doing a competition show; more talk about their weight loss; waffles; Bert talks about eating caviar at a party; more talk about doing another competition; surfing; Kelly Slater’s wave pool; more talk about their weight loss.

My Thoughts: Drinking, smoking weed, and lots of giggling. You’ll probably want to watch this one if you want to see the beard shaving. It was kind of a chore to get through, to be honest. One podcast would have sufficed. Why did they need to weigh in two days in a row?

Podcast Video: Below is a video of The Joe Rogan Experience podcast episode #895 available for streaming via YouTube.

Podcast Audio: Audio for this episode of The Joe Rogan Experience podcast is available through iTunes, Stitcher, or you can download the MP3 directly to add it to the audio player of your choice.